Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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