so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
please don't ironically join a cult
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