You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
