At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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