I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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