I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
