I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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