one two three fourrrrnication!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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