I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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