Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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