Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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