morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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