therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
