Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces