I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.