There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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