i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.