Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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