My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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