a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
