i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
