Someone shit on the floor
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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