FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
