do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
