I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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