Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!