Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.