did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS