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He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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