I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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