while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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