Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
