take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
