Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
