My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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