I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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