its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
