remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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