rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
