my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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