Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
