I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize