There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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