took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
