I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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