My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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