If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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