I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.