Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I spit up blood this morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.