Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.