I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to