if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
