dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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