the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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