new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
