I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
