I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
