Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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