what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize